Warrior
by Mileycfan4eva
Summary: Based of the fall finale ending, Amanda is taking hostage by Bucci. one shot for my Rolivia Song Fic hcallange


**Fandom: SVU **

**Title: Warrior**

**P O v: Amanda Rollins**

**62 Chelsea Piers New York. NY**

**A/N: Based off my Rolivia song fic challenge by a guest who requested Warrior by Demi Lovato)**

"Someone has got to be held accountable for what this pig did to my little girl!"

The gun is jammed harder into my ribs causing me to gasp out slightly. "Frank I know you're upset, I get it if someone hurt my son I would be pissed at the world to." My Captain Olivia Benson is the only one inside the warehouse with Frank Bucci and Myself.

Frank is the one holding me at gunpoint her words seem to have little effect on Frank's rage, but they calm me just knowing she is here, that she won't leave without me, is a comfort.

"Frank you're an ex-cop you know this won't end well, holding a cop at gunpoint come on think about your girls."

"I am thinking about my girls Olivia, that's why I am doing this! I don't care about what happens to me! I care about this pig going to jail, I care about protecting the next innocent girl from being taking advantage of."

For a brief moment, he removes the gun from my side, I gasp for small chunks of air meeting my eyes with Olivia's she's just as scared as I am. Which should frighten me but it doesn't because I trust her, I know she'll get me out of this alive.

Fear is a motivator or a blocker at the end of the day it goes to the phrase everyone's heard about the flight or fright fear can block some people from even thinking, moving reacting any sense of the word. Normal people usually become frightened paralyzed by a gun being jammed in their body or by seeing someone they love being held, hostage. It's terrifying so why wouldn't people be frightened unresponsive?

Liv and I aren't normal people, I mean we are each day we get up at the ass crack of dawn go for a run, feed our dogs, wake our sleepy kids, argue with them over whatever their attitude of the day is, get them ready for school. Kiss them goodbye, promise to help them with their homework, or run lines with them after our shift.

That's when the similarities end because once Olivia and I get to our office we put our hostlers on, strap our ballistic vests on and we go out to face the unknown. We knock on doors never knowing who's behind them or if they're carrying a weapon.

Each call could be our last.

Even when we're off duty we're in danger from the public who's views of cops are formed simply by what's reported in the media. By angry victims who didn't get justice, and by the suspects we arrest.

"I know you want justice Frank, I know you think that by taking Amanda hostage you'll prompt us to arrest Getz, it won't happen Frank you know that justice doesn't work that way."

"Well it will this time Olivia or Amanda dies. I'm not afraid to go down for this, don't try anything either I was a cop for many years, I know every trick you will try, every mind game you will play."

"No game Frank I just want Amanda home safe."

"Frank." I try to talk which is hard since his arm is wrapped around my throat "I get that you want closure but it won't happen not this way."

"What do you know Amanda? You're a damn cop we're master of lying. We can't know what the victims face."

"I know because I am a survivor. I was a victim."

"Bullshit you're nothing but a liar, you promised me you'd nail the bastard, and you let him go! You put my daughter through hell for **nothing!"**

"He's free to keep raping little girls, and my daughter is damaged forever!"

"I never raped her! She wanted me! They all wanted me!" Frank points the gun at Getz again "Shut-Up or I will blow your brains out which would be ashamed because I am looking forward to you being in prison and getting what is coming to you. They just love child molesters in the big house."

The gun is once again jammed into my side making me sick to my stomach I can barely swallow. "I want my daughters! Get me, my daughters, now!"

"Frank do you want your girls to see you like this?" Liv tries reasoning with him but he's losing control of his emotions with each passing second. "Give me my girls now! Or I will kill her!" The gun is slammed with such force into my head I feel dizzy blood slowly trickles down my head.

"Okay, I get it! I will get your girls Frank but please do not hurt Amanda anymore." she's scared I can tell by her tense voice. She grabs her radio showing Frank what she is holding "Fin, this is Olivia do we have the Bucci girls out front?"

"Copy Captain."

"Okay send them in slowly hands up in the air."

"Copy Captain is everything alright in there?"

"All good Fin, just need the girls."

"And him in jail!" He points to Steve Getz "Okay I hear you." "Fin I am sending Getz out lock him up."

"For what I was declared innocent! This is Police brutality I am being framed! I'll have every one of your badges I swear to god! My Lawyers will make fish food out of you!"

"He's never going to take the blame, see he still thinks he is some innocent victim. He's never going to pay for his sins! Someone has to be held accountable! If it's not this sick bastard than Amanda pays the price for his sins."

Cold hard metal is slammed into my temple, images of Jessie and Billie flash through my head, my girls will grow up without their mother. "On your knees Amanda!"

"Frank please don't do this! Liv's voice is a mixture of emotions mainly fear and anxiety. "Dad what are you doing?" Ivy Bucci is the first to enter clutching her sister Millie's hand, both look wide-eyed in fear.

"Amanda isn't the one you want to be punished she's a cop, Frank, she took the same oath as you did."

I can't breathe

I'm scared so scared I can't even hide it, my knees are growing weaker "Amanda hang on sweetie I'm going to get you out of here."

"Captain Benson you know better than making promises you can't keep."

"Daddy please stop! It's not her fault, please Daddy let her go. I bought Millie into this, I went to his house each night even after he started raping me, I went back knowing what was going to happen. I let the money blind me."

The gun moves to my trachea now I can't even swallow all I can do to stay strong is to look into Olivia's eyes. She's remaining confident even in her fear, she's not done yet, she won't be done till I'm in her arms.

"She's blaming herself now see what this pig did to her! He damaged her!"

"No Frank he didn't she's not damaged or destroyed, she's bruised yes, broken maybe but she's not damaged."

"How would you know Amanda? Stop lying your a god damn pro at it, aren't you? I bet you would lie your way out of anything."

"No Frank I am not lying, I know because I was Ivy. I haven't told this story before not to anyone, not even my Captain."

Liv's eyes are searching me as all my pain is flooding back I've kept it locked away for so damn long like armor shielding its prize possession, my pride, I can barely breathe, it's clogging my pores, my cells, my throat.

The scream rips from my throat as he yanks my hair hard forcing my head up the gun jammed under it. "Lie again, it'll be the last lie you ever tell."

Liv's eyes are so filled with confusion and pain it kills me, but her lips mouth a few simple words. "You're a warrior, you will survive this, you survived the trauma, you can win this battle,"

"I have to get it off my chest Frank, it's been eating at me for so long. I was ten when the thief stole my light for the first time. I was so ashamed for so long, but not anymore, it wasn't my fault, I didn't ask for it. I didn't want it, I trusted my father to protect me. I was his lucky charm that's what he always told me when he would bring me to his gambling buddies, I would bring him luck he would always win."

"She can't breathe Frank loosen your arms, she's turning blue."

"She's lying!"

"No Daddy she's not! Please, I need to hear this." Ivy's hands fly out begging her father to stop hurting me. "I've been so ashamed daddy, so ridden with guilt, I've thought of killing myself, but if something happened to Detective Rollins as a kid, if she survived her trauma and made something gold out of something ugly, maybe I can survive my scars."

"Fine keep talking but Rollins I warn you."

"I know I'm dead."

"I was ten when he lost for the first time, he was drunk of course, but somehow it didn't matter. He was never going to take the blame, he lost everything money, house, his watch, then his buddy said. What about your lucky charm? She looks like a tender rabbit."

"I was ten I had no idea what he meant, I trusted my daddy to keep me safe."

"Oh God, Amanda." Liv's voice cracks I can't even look at her as I tell this story. I feel so sickened. I pray the radio's off that every single officer outside isn't hearing me reveal this sick deep secret shame.

"My dad raised the bet to have me as the prize, he lost, he didn't get mad, he just bent down to me and said Mandy your my special girl, I need you to be strong, to go with my friend and do what he wants, our family needs you if you don't do this will be homeless, penniless."

"I was ten for god sake, what was I suppose to do?

"I went with the man, he drove me to his home, he lived in a nice development way nicer than where we lived. I remember the yard was super green, picture-perfect like what you would see in those shows from the 60's leave it to beaver or Lassie there was even a collie playing out front with two little girls, who wore pretty dresses."

"He brought me inside told me his name was James his daughters were Marisa and Clarissa their dog was Callie. His wife Dannie was out of town on business so he was lonely. He gave me yummy chocolate milk we were too poor to afford chocolate milk."

"He treated me nice at first told me I was pretty, I was smart he had me help his daughters with their homework after we played, he feeds us dinner he was a great cook. Then after I put his girls down, he asked me to come into his room, he said he wanted me to meet his teenage son Jamie."

I have to stop as the memories flood my brain I know I need to keep going. But I can't it's just so damn painful. How stupid and naive I was back then. "Amanda hey honey this isn't your fault, you know that you're a trained SVU Detective what was done to you hon, not your fault, just like what happened to Ivy, I need you to keep going. Take your ashes scatter them, he can't steal your flame."

Liv's words have the desired effect on me. I'm not broken anymore, my bruises have healed replaced by a thicker skin. "I went with him, he seemed nice and I wondered about Jamie I saw photo's of him, he looked cute."

"James asked me to model for him, he bought some new clothes out for him, he said I had the potential to be a model, to win prizes, but he needed to see me in them. He asked if he could undress me, I was scared, no one ever saw me naked then, not even my own Mama, but I was taught to be respectful of grownups, to listen, so I said yes."

"I said yes."

"You were ten Amanda."

"I said yes, so he undressed me, he said I was beautiful innocent, precious, he touched me, in places he shouldn't have been touching me, I felt dirty, it felt wrong, but I stayed quiet."

"He called his son into the room Jamie was maybe 13 then. He made him touch me, he said he was showing him how men show their love for women."

I can't stand anymore my legs give out as my shame washes over me, tears fall down my cheeks. My chest feels tight, the gun is still pressed to my temple. Frank isn't letting go even as I am unrevealing my shame, my fears.

"James asked me if I wanted to model he showed me pictures of beautiful girls my age in magazines."

"What little girl doesn't want to model? He said I could make money to help my family."

"I loved my family. So I said yes."

"He told me to lay on the bed, he needed to test me to see how much my word meant that he was a busy man and didn't have time for games so I needed to prove how much I wanted to model. He got on top of me and he shoved himself inside of me, it hurt so bad, I never felt pain as intense as that, I was so scared I started to cry, he slapped me and told me models don't cry, that being pretty hurts, but it would be worth it when I got that check."

"When he was done he made Jamie … he made … oh god...he made his son have sex with me."

"Jamie was just as scared as I was, he didn't enjoy it either, but he was scared of his dad, so he did it… he did me... I think he hurt more than his dad, but we got through it."

"When he returned me to my dad he said they had a deal, I didn't know what he meant but I learned quickly...too quickly there's a part of me... a little girl which was forced to grow up too fast. My dad stole from me, he stole my innocence, my trust, my truth he made me lie to everyone, he made me tell my sister that I was going to girl scout meetings but he would drive me every week to Atlanta where James worked he kept his word, he got me in the magazines, but I had to work for it, every night on my back with him on top of me, with his friends in the business, he sold me to them, in return I got in the magazines and made money for my family."

"I sold myself so they could live, I thought that if my mom ever found out the truth, she stop it, but she didn't she found out when I was 13, she turned her back on me she made a deal with James that if he got me into Beauty pageants she'd let him keep me, as long as she got half the profits."

"He took the deal from the time I was 13 till I was 17, I lived with him but I was never treated as one of his kids, I was kept in a room which was smaller than a basement, no windows, I wasn't fed, but I was forced to run each day, take diet pills, I was forced to take modeling classes, so I could keep booking jobs, I was never paid, I was raped by him, his son, his friends, any money went to my family."

"The point is I survived I got out of there as soon as I was old enough I got my GED I went to college and I choose to go onto a profession so I could help other little girls, and boys like Jamie to rebuild their lives."

Suddenly the gun is removed from my head, I'm shoved forward I feel myself falling, I'm too dizzy to care where I land. The shot rings out as Liv's arms catch me. "Daddy No!"

The room is spinning as I collapse "I'm here Amanda I'm right here, Breach now!" I can hear Liv calling as her arms scoop me up my eyes close as I bury myself into her chest. "I got you, honey, you're safe, your alright, I love you so much, you are so brave Amanda, so brave."

I feel anything except brave, I feel broken, bruised, damaged, violated everything I swore Ivy wasn't to Frank. I feel all of it, shamed, sickened, diseased, exposed. There aren't enough damn words in the English vocab to describe how my past makes me feel. Liv's words soothe my aching mind as she whispers to me lovingly, her tears hit my already wet face.

"Amanda honey it's okay to cry, it's okay to let it out, you need to I'm right here I will catch you, kiss your face, I'll be your armor, he can't take anything from you anymore, from right here right now, you are taking back your life, you'll rise like a skyscraper. The smoke will clear, I promise you even if the skies aren't always blue, I will be here to weather any storm. Just rest now my angel, I have you. I'm your Warrior Queen, I'll lead you home."

I guess I listened to her because the next time I open my eyes I'm in her bed, wrapped in the comfort of her blankets. In her arms her lips are gently kissing my forehead, trailing down little butterfly kisses "Morning sweetie, I take it you slept well?"

"It's morning?"

I yawn exhausted despite the hours of sleep "Yes honey, they gave you something at the hospital to help you sleep through the night. it's morning you made it through the ashes of last nights flames, now you'll make it through the aftermath, together, I made an appointment with Dr. Alexis Hanover she's still a little shaken herself but she's willing to meet with you, I'm so proud of you for taking the first steps by yourself, but honey, you never have to be alone ever again. I'm right here, I'm here to listen, to hold you when you need to cry or be your punching bag when you need to hit or scream at someone. Just please don't ever try to handle this on your own, you said it yourself, you're only as sick as your secrets. Amanda you don't have to keep secrets, I won't judge, I won't condemn, I will only love and support you. Now what to do you say we get up shower, wake our beautiful kids and spend the day on the couch cuddling?"

Tears fill my eyes "Even after all you learned you still want to be with me?"

She lifts my chin stares directly into my eyes and leans in to kiss me deeply "Forever and for always."


End file.
